A Prayer in Anger

No ounce of sweetness in this flesh exists, momentarily I am transformed.
I breathe out my anger, feel my hatred like an entirely separate being.
I look my anger in the eyes, she is so powerful and so full of rage,
She is so full of venom it creeps across my skin like a tendril;

I don't know this angry person, this person who can hate another human being.
This jealous person is unfamiliar to me, I only know I wish she didn't exist.
I close my eyes to pretend that penetrating gaze isn't mine;
That angry person cannot be me, that hateful person cannot be.

Hateful curses must not come out of the same mouth that sings praise
It cannot be so, I will not let it be so, not tonight or ever again;
Yet every time she rises in me like beast ignited by endless fire,
Roaring and raging just under my vision, brow creased

an incomplete sentence, hangs in the air.  I let it go, I have to let it go,
Let it go, let it, I beg you.  Keep hold of me no longer, dark core poison me no longer;
Poison me no longer, I denounce you from this flesh that refuses to rage
Refusing to hate and envy and corrupt, I denounce my hatred.

That hatred built a wall, solid and thick, standing firm to the sky;
Behind, I claw, I cry, I beg and plead on my knees,
Heavenly Father, Heavenly Father, take this darkness from my heart
The burden is too heavy and I can take it no longer.

On my knees, I beg, Heavenly Father, take it away now
This anger no longer protects me, this distrust no longer defends me;
This anger belongs to no one, it's held me for so long;
Angry little beast lays before me in tears, she has shrunken before me,

This angry mirror image, it cries before me and asks, "Why?"
The creation of a past long gone, built by hands that were not mine or His
Who is this angry beast who lays before me?  This poor child
of envy and darkness, who made her this way?  Who would?

The mirror image blinks, fades like a projection and I reach but
My hands reach into empty air, finding nothing but understanding there;
Please Lord, as I have begged so many nights until sleep overcame
Please Lord, as I have wanted for so long, I want peace.

I denounce, I release the beast named Anger, the cursed child of Envy,
I release this stranger to the air, into the hands of God,
This, these words, this is my release, my denouncement;
I seek the sweetness again, the patience and adoration

With my eyes turned upward, I pray for peace and patience
I am not anger, I am not hate; the core of me is neither
With my eyes turned upward, I pray for
I pray for the breaking down of my defenses and the strength to surrender.

Ly Hansen

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